The Shot Heard Around My Head

   This is an embarrassing tale. With a less than classy set of circumstances. So, we are going to try and wind our way through it, without divulging all the minuet, possibly ridiculous, details. Let's start it with a bang.

Very early, on Sunday Morning, I fell in love.

 
   That's what happened. I could tell from the second I saw her. I had fallen. hard. Now, I'm not going to pussy foot around. Most people that read this blog, should know by now, that I am prone to manic fits of endearment. I fall for a great smile. I blush with a slight wink of a gorgeous set of eyes. I have a "swoon factor" that is fairly unmatched. It has always felt right to fall easily. The enjoyment from it warms my chest, and I would hope that it does the same to the person I am complimenting.

   So, I have ran over how I would write this blog post in my head several times. I think it might be best to let you hear what happened in her own words:

 

"oh my god someone just said the sweetest things to me and I’m going to die because it’s the greatest thing that’s ever happened. I’ve never been fawned over like that oh man
'I would want to be cute lesbians in New York with you making lots of really good art
I would ride the subway past 9:30 and keep you safe
I’m smitten, smitten
I want to drink whiskey all night with you
I want to open a record shop with you and sell vinyl to people who don’t deserve them, I want to be assholes to everyone with you
I just fell in love with a stranger
Everything about you is cherubic
You deserve to always have a pretty boy or girl next to you kissing your cheek, you deserve the best possible things always
I’m gonna scoop you up and eat Mexican food with you
I love you, I love you, I adore you
I’ll ride my bike over every bridge in PDX til I find you'"

   This was all said, by me.  This was all meant, by me. Our conversation still rattles in my head, and the memory of her smile still makes my skin goose bump. Here comes something that only a few people will understand. You can take this literally, or figuratively. I saw a lot of naked women that night. I saw sex, and skin being thrown around like it was a mere afterthought of existence. Hers, though? I had no want. I had no lust. I had no ulterior motive. I just wanted to hear her voice, see her eyes wince in giggling joy, and warm my heart in the glow of a happy woman. Yet, it gets worse.
   I will, more than likely, never see this woman again. I will never hear her voice. I will never touch her, or feel the warmth of her breath. I will never fix her breakfast. We will never ride bikes together, or take her along as I walk my dog. I will never lay in a park, and watch her fall asleep, on the blanket I brought. She will never kiss me. She will never bring me coffee while I paint. We will never meet up, randomly on a side walk, as our friends drag us to drastically different places. She will never fix my crooked tie, and I will never try to get into her pants at socially unacceptable points in time. She will never heal my wounds, and I will never be the biggest cheerleader to her accomplishments.

   Yet, she is out there. She is reading this, and hopefully, for a few minutes of time, we lived a life unchained by anyone else, but each other.