"Don't get up."
"Get the fuck up"
"She's never coming back"
"Maybe today is the day you hear from her"
"You are fucking pitiful"
"You are a brave, strong man"
"You will be alone, forever"
"I saw that girl looking at you yesterday"
"Don't worry"
"Worry about everything"
I start on the treadmill. The self improvement started a while ago, but I'm fairly certain no one noticed. I quit a lot of things. Life will not be one of them. I have to remember, that even if all things don't happen for a reason, this did. There were three people in the gym, this morning. I'm fairly certain I was hurting the worst, inside and out. Yet, the second that first push up started, I was back in familiar territory. No thoughts. No worries, except the next push up. No thoughts. No worries, except the next pull up. No thoughts. No worries, except my abs burning like Syria in the newspaper.
"You need this. You want this. You know that no matter what, no matter how, your mind and body need healing", I whisper in my own ear. I said the same thing to myself at 12:30am, 3:30am, 4:30am. Slipping out of the gym, I can see the shadow of her walking across the street. That shadow, doesn't even deserve me, right now. No shadow deserves me. Yet, one day, I know that it will be every shadow that will be scared of me. They will be scared of the light that I am. They will run and tell the people to whom they belong.
"That man over there. Look at him. You want him by your side. In your time of need, that is a brave soul."
I know this.
*p.s. If you would like you can become a follower of this blog. Just saying.
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