Divorce vs. My Son

   Lately, I have leaned on my son in a way I don't think most fathers would or should. Yet, when I think about the advice he's given me in this time of need, I realize that he is amazingly wise and mature for his age. This week has been a cleansing and revamping of my house. So, as a friend and I painted my kitchen I related this story:

   My son was around 11 when I went through my divorce. Anyone that knows me, knows that he is my life's blood. Anyone that knows my son, knows he has always been strong and handled adversity in a way that is way beyond his years. So, during the divorce he showed no real signs of wear. It was a rough divorce. Lots of yelling, some broken windows, and I remember one time my ex-wife chased me and a woman down with a truck. All this time, my son kept a good head on his shoulders. Then, there was this night.
   I'm tucking my son into bed at my house. His nightlight is on, he is up to his shoulders in covers, and the dimly lit room is shadowed my stuffed animals and legos. He has brushed his teeth, taken a shower, and combed his hair and looks incredibly adorable when I walk into his room. Also, incredibly sad.
   "Logan, are you ok?", I ask, as I sit on the edge of his bed.
   "Not really, Pops", his cute squishy face looking down into his blanket.
   "Talk to me, Boog", best nickname ever, by the way.
   "It's this divorce thing. I just don't know what to think of it. It's starting to make me sad.", suddenly a ton of bricks falls on my emotions. My hearts sinks. I want to hold him. I want to cry with him. I want to tell him how fucked up I am over it, also. Yet, something kicks in.
   "Hey, look at me Boog", I grabbed him by his little chin. His big, ass blue eyes looked so pitiful and beautiful. "I know that in these times that it might be necessary for you to not only be sad, but be mad. Like really pissed. I understand that, and I would feel the same way. So, if you need someone to blame, here I am. Sitting right in front of you, and whether this affects our relationship today, tomorrow or in the future, I will always understand. I should have done a better job, as a father, as a husband. You both put your trust in me to be a good role model, and a strong man, and I failed. Yet, all I can do is move forward from this, and show you that not only in this situation, but in every situation in the future, that I can be that man. So, if you want to be sad, I will be here to hold you. And if you want to be mad, I will be here to take every punch." There was a long pause. A Mexican stand off.
  

   "Pops, I love you", he reached up, wrapped both arms around my neck, and squeezed like nobody's business.
   Here's to you Boog. One day I hope to be as strong as you.